7 Ways Women need to Lead and Rewire for Freedom, Success & Happiness
The more women I talk to and the more I learn about both Women’s Leadership and neuroscience, the greater the pattern of conditioning in women reveals it’s limiting noose hold on our happiness, potential, and freedom. Exposing these evolutionary tendencies, acceptances, and habitual behaviours into the spotlight is key to breaking free. They are keeping us small, settling, and in struggle.
What if we choose new ways of being in the world setting the stage for a new evolutionary global movement of consciously chosen beliefs, behaviours, attitudes, and awareness that elevates everyones existence?
We have the ability to change. We can create a new progressive, evolved, enlightened, and empowered way of being in the world contrary to the conditioning of our cultures, circumstances, and society. The wiring of our brains and the years of training our thoughts and behaviors that have been passed down and observed daily, both consciously and unconsciously, have powerful roots. These roots are so deep and tangled it is like trying to uproot an old growth tree from the roots it has woven underground for centuries.
So we will plant. Plant new seeds, grow new roots, and water what we now choose to want to grow for our daughters, mothers, sisters, tribes, and to create a better world that has been waiting on us.
Here I outline some patterns of behavior that are common for women some of which can be seen as strengths and also personality traits. Please know if you see yourself in any of these, they are not ‘bad’, in fact some of them can make us great when directed with the right intention and when they serve us and others positively. You will know when they need tweaking or managing because you will sense or see their limiting hold on your potential, purpose, and happiness; you will also experience stress when they are not serving you in a productive manner.
Being a People Pleaser
Being a people pleaser is a beautiful intention and often very rewarding or fulfilling. If you know you have this tendency where you need to be aware, is if you are people pleasing out of conditioning not choice or if it is to seek worthiness. Often it will not be conscious that you want to please people to increase your worth. If you are driven to an excessive, detrimental degree to please others to your own lack of self-care, this is when you will need to consciously choose a new way of being in the world; a way that balances this tendency with discovering your own inherent self-worth and prioritizing self-care as important as pleasing others.
Perfectionism
Perfectionism serves a purpose, creates excellence, and produces extraordinary results. It is amazing to see its masterpiece expressed both in action and once completed. It is the trait of many very successful, accomplished, high achieving people. It can also cause great stress for the individual who exudes it, and great unhappiness as the perfectionist is never satisfied because it can always be better or must be just so or it is not right. In entrepreneurs, artists, and performers, perfectionism can mean never starting, never getting your work out there, and missing opportunities to share your expertise and grow because you don’t feel good enough. Perfectionism can keep you stuck.
However, you can evolve above this tendency by being aware to how it could be limiting you and by choosing to be a master piece in progress; you can manage this trait instead of letting it prevent you from being seen, from starting, slowing you down, or controlling your happiness. Perfectionism is a strength and weakness; the weakness needs to be managed so its strength can soar and joy can be felt throughout your pursuit.
The Need to Be Liked, Accepted, Loved
Belonging is a basic need in Maslow’s hierarchy of basic human needs. We are wired to be liked and to seek acceptance. To reiterate, this is a human need we all have, it is not just a want. This means that we would also go to great lengths to avoid rejection or limit our experiences to prevent being judged. As women our acceptance in society is measured on many external traits and we are trained at a young age to act and be a certain way. Where we need to evolve to for our own happiness is in managing our dependence and habit of seeking acceptance and love only outside of ourselves.
We must first practice and own self-acceptance and self love. Also when we truly can release not having to be liked by everyone and express ourselves freely without the fear of judgement, we will be liberated to a place where our greatness can exist and serve to its highest potential.
Caution, Security, Risk
Did you ever hear, ‘Be careful, be safe!’ growing up? If a massive experiment could or would be done to this day on the way parents and adults interact with girls in comparison to boys, it would be interesting to find out how many more times verbal or non verbal communications were made that shared caution, fear, hesitancy, and protection for young girls. To take full responsibility, generally speaking our female personalities are wired to be cautious, to seek security, and to not take too big a risk. This absolutely protects us and keeps us from harm, but it absolutely also keeps us from living large, to our potential, and to the infinite possibilities that exist for each and every one of us.
To keep our cautious, risk adverse, security seeking tendencies in check, we need to challenge ourselves to take more risks especially when it can raise our potential, elevate our possibilities, and serve the growth we need to break through limitations. We also need to manage the fear induced, playing small cautious habits that constrain and constrict us from trying new, bigger things that put us in the unknown. Going into the unknown is the only way to adventure to new places and new heights in life.
Perhaps it would also be beneficial to ask yourself if it is security you seek or abundance and freedom. They are not synonymous, they are separate and often the appearance or default of living for security is fear based and limits our freedom and abundance.
Worth
We build our worth from the societal expectations and appearances that can be seen, perceived, and accepted that deem us ‘more’ or ‘normal’ to fill our need to belong. Recently it was becoming evident as I sat across from smart, talented, accomplished women and heard countless stories of extra courses they were taking, or ‘when I have done this’ stories, and ‘..but I don’t have this..’, self proclaiming limiting beliefs, I wondered if we would ever be enough?
Could we ever arrive and gift this to ourselves without needing the acceptance and boost of someone else acting in a way that told our worth warrior battling for acknowledgement that we are worthy? Wake up and see the weakness in not claiming our own worth as we are in this very moment, today! Decide and declare from this moment forward you are not a meek, imperfect, partial human being. You are a powerful, whole, exceptionally talented, unlimited self-assured woman who can do anything she sets her mind to.
Worthiness is an inside job gifted by none other than yourself and there is no recipe for worthiness other than owning your inherent worth, living to this full belief of being worthy, and taking action in your life aligned with your worth.
Wealth amidst Lack and Scarcity
Perhaps one of the deepest roots we need to re harvest is the conditioning of a society that has limited our worth and wealth based on our sex, not our talent, results, experience, or ability. Of course we can blame, but it is time to claim. Our wealth is dependent on knowing, seeing, and expressing our worth. It is even more dependent on our own beliefs of the value we bring to the table, believing in our own abilities, and confidently communicating our contributions with a bold, relentless voice. Wealth cannot exist in playing small and safe and it is not possible in an environment of staying stuck or struggling.
When we become aware of our thoughts and actions stemming from lack and scarcity we can then choose to condition our conscious choices for wealth and abundance. Wealth is not limited to a geographical location, a heritage, a sex, race, age, current circumstances, or even your upbringing, it is there for everyone. The more you put yourself in the realm and reality of wealth, the more you will experience it. Pursue it. Learn It. Give It. Live it.
Pursuing, Chasing, Competing
One of the best life and career lessons I ever learned was from my dad. I have shared it a few times with women needing to learn this lesson for themselves and I see a light bulb go off every time. After asking for his opinion on a new work venture and giving him something to read before I published it to an audience, he wrote back and first gave a compliment, as he always conducted himself with great charm, but then offered straight up, cut to the chase constructive criticism. He said, “..real great hun, lots of great content here, but I have no idea what you are selling or asking for.” He went on to add, “.. you women are all use to being chased or being pursued, but you are not comfortable with doing this in business or asking, you have to state clearly what you are asking for in the sale and go after it!” This was at the start of my own business venture many years ago and I have to admit he was right, ‘bang on’ as he would have said.
Perhaps is it in our conditioning as ladies that it is not lady like to pursue, to chase after that which we want or to compete hard for our dreams and goals? Does this go back to the hunter and gatherers evolution of our ancestors where we gather and sit and make and take care of rather than hunting. To where we have evolved in today’s day and age, do we now need to embrace more of the hunting and fighting for it in order to receive?
If we are naturally care takers, teachers, and artists, are conditioning has not taught us how to hunt and fight. Women, especially this year, have and are learning to fight. Sometimes it is not our nature we need to honour, but rather the nurturing of what we need to learn in order to be great, to be powerful, and to be an unstoppable presence.
As women we can become aware and rewire our limiting conditioned thoughts and behaviors thereby consciously choosing an enlightened, empowered, and elevated state of being and living in the world for all to benefit.
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