Women who lead and are becoming leaders in their careers, business, and industries may look great externally with all the right degrees and certifications, but it is mastering the inner game that has enabled them to step boldly into leadership.

What is the Inner Game in Women’s Leadership?

The inner game focuses less on the achievements, credentials, and positions a women holds and more on how she feels, what she believes, how she thinks, the self talk dialogue she has daily, and the deep knowing of her own value and ability. It is a game because you can lose and many women lose to the opponent of the voice, self judgement, self criticism, the beliefs of not being enough or deserving, and lack of self worth. However, all these opponents we can build mastery over and win at the inner game of standing in leadership as a women, boldly owning our position of victory.

Why is Mastering the Inner Game of Leadership Important for Women?

Somewhere along the line grew doubt and on another vine grew insecurity and if that was not enough the largest weed of all that grew was fear. These crept their way into our thoughts, beliefs, and unconscious when they were never given a formal invitation. Do men suffer from these weeds of self discrimination as much as women and is their presence a reflection of biological evolution and environmental nurturing with the all too well known phrases like, “Women can’t do that,” or “Women shouldn’t do that”? That is a question we need to examine in order to cure the plague that affects so many women in keeping them smaller than they truly are meant to be.

Education, skill, knowledge, and passion will only take a women so far in her journey of growth, let’s say they are the engine of a car that need to be there in order for movement to be possible. However, it is the beliefs, the self worth, how a women feels, and her thoughts that drive the vehicle to any destination she can imagine. This is why the inner game of women’s leadership is so important.

How to Master the Inner Game of Leadership

Mastering the inner game of leadership needs to begin with your beliefs.

What do you believe about yourself and your ability to lead?

What beliefs do you have about yourself and belonging as a leader?

What beliefs have you inherited, unconsciously accepted, or lived up until this very day around your or women’s ability to lead?

Take a moment to answer these questions honestly and reflectively for yourself. Sometimes we are unaware of our beliefs until we examine them or even look at the big picture of our life, others around us, and where we find ourselves in this very moment. If you have not gone for a position, or kept a low profile publicly, or have not grown to the place in your business and career that you had thought, there is a belief at the root of it all. It’s time to expose the beliefs that may be holding you back and it is good to acknowledge that beliefs can sometimes appear as judgments about others.

Here are a few beliefs that may be brewing in your subconscious no matter where they came from:

“Women leaders are aggressive, competitive, and masculine.”

“Leaders like and need attention. They need to be in control and are bossy.”

“Look at her, she must be a perfectionist, and have no family or life balance and just be all about career.”

Now that you have looked at how some of your beliefs or judgments  could be holding you back, take a moment to write out three to five leadership beliefs that will serve your growth into being the leader you envision.

Here is an example:

“I lead with compassion and confidence where I boldly share my opinions and vision while knowing my worth and ability to handle the responsibility and growth goals they require me to meet.”

Mastering the Inner Game of Leadership Requires Practice

What does your self talk, self judgement, and self criticism say to you?

Do you even know what is playing on repeat and skipping over and over in your thoughts?

Are you aware of the voice, the inner critic and are you going to let it win the inner game and take you down?

If you are to master the inner game of leadership growth and developing into the leader you want to become, you will need to begin with awareness and then you will need practice.

What is it you need to be aware of? It is the daily thoughts, the self sabotaging voice, and the relentless criticism and judgment you or our culture is spewing out on automatic pilot whether it is through osmosis or self creation.

Once you are aware of what you are thinking and focusing on, you are going to need to practice the thoughts, inner dialogue, and self championing of a leader you want to be and who the world needs you to be! This is going to require writing out some pretty amazing, inspiring, and outrageously bold affirmations about yourself. For some of you this is going to be awkward and feel silly and you know what you are going to do a lame job at the ‘outrageously bold’ requirement. This is exactly why you need this even more.

So prove me wrong and write an affirmation for yourself that you would not recognize if your life depended on it. If you can do this and practice these statements looking at yourself in a mirror for 2 months straight and believe and own what you are saying about yourself, you will be an incredible leader!

The Belonging & Deserving of Women’s Leadership

Ah yes, I am going there to the place men shy away from and where people in leadership may think is unimportant or woo woo and that is how you feel about yourself matters. In fact it is so important, it creates happiness or discontent and it impacts every area of your life. In particular I would like to talk about women leaders and their feeling of belonging or deserving. I was inspired by a video the other day where the person being interviewed said, you are never at a table or in a room where you do not belong. If ever you doubt yourself remember if you are there, you deserve to be!

No matter what the culture is around you in your business or work environment or how others treat you, can you stand tall and proud, naked to the core of your essence and own that you belong there? When you can own your power and place without being reactive to what anyone says or how anyone treats you, you have arrived at truly embracing that you belong.

While belonging is actually one of Maslow’s basic fundamental hierarchy of needs for all people, deserving and the feeling of deserving is driven more by actions, effort, commitment, and persistence. Feeling deserving requires two things:

1. You must acknowledge that who you are is deserving and your effort, commitment, hard work, vision, and passion make you deserving
2. You must receive the fact that you deserve it and that you are deserving

You are deserving sometimes by being exactly who you are, your presence, your talent, your gifts, and the knowledge or wisdom you have. Other times you are deserving because of the time you have put in to something or the hard work you have logged into your work. All of us deserve happiness, health, wealth, and love. Every single one of us deserves these.

Do you feel deserving and will you open yourself to believe and receive you are deserving?

The Inner Game Determines Your Growth as a Leader & Happiness in Life

This is not a game you can afford to lose because losing the inner game of leadership means, well quite frankly it equates to your overall happiness in life. If we stay unconscious, if we let the record of self sabotage play on repeat, and adopt beliefs we have never fully challenged or decided to be true for ourselves, we will stay limited and small in our potential.

I challenge all of you as leaders to be victorious over the voice and the beliefs and thoughts that are not serving you. To do this you will need to rewrite the bold statements you will allow to play over and over as thoughts and what you are saying to yourself. The bigger challenge should you accept it, to bring it all home in becoming the leader you strive and desire to be is going to be feeling you belong and feeling you deserve it!

Let’s all learn from each other. Go ahead and share your outrageously bold affirmation, belief, or thought you are rewriting today to become the leader the world needs you to be.

 

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